


In the Company of Men

by Abnormacus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Drama, Gen, M/M, Secret Crush, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 06:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14158605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abnormacus/pseuds/Abnormacus
Summary: "Finn’s stomach turned in a way he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. He’d dealt with his fair share of messes in sanitation, but this was one that he was in no rush to attend to."Finn weighs his options. Poe challenges authority. Holdo gives a lecture on the meaning of respect.One-shot set midway through The Last Jedi. Slight spoilers, both for the movie and its deleted scenes.





	In the Company of Men

Poe would understand, wouldn’t he? That was what Finn kept telling himself. The words spun through his head, over and over. It was as though the more he focused on this thrown-together mantra, the better a chance there was that it was actually true. 

The former Stormtrooper moved with purpose through the corridors of the _Raddus_ , paying little mind to the harried pilots and Resistance technicians that scurried past him back-and-forth. This wasn’t his cause. These weren’t his people. He’d practically said as much to Poe.

_I don’t want you to think I’m something I’m not_.

But Poe had silenced him with a self-assured smile.

_It’s fine. You’re all right. You’re here with us, where you belong_.

But he _didn’t_ belong. He couldn’t stay. To remain on the _Raddus_ meant certain death, for him, for Rey, for everyone. Couldn’t Poe see that? Finn paused to take a calming breath. It didn’t do much to cast his insecurities aside.

The fact remained that Finn had to leave. And Poe _would_ understand. …Wouldn’t he?

Finn swallowed and cupped a hand against the back of his head, mulling it over once more. Maybe he should try to talk with Poe again. But with the First Order on their tail, would now even be a good time? _Stupid. It’ll never be a good time_. But sooner or later, it had to happen. Finn at least wouldn’t run from this.

Better to rip the bandage off now, he supposed.

Inspired, Finn continued his advance, marching up to the nearest Resistance officer he could find. She was a petite young woman, human, with curly blonde hair worn up in twin buns. She had helped him and Poe with stabilizing the General, but the trooper also recognized her from the briefing back on D’Qar.

“’Scuse me. Excuse me,” Finn interjected, tearing her away from her datapad to look up at him. “Sorry, hi. Lieutenant…” Her title came easily, thanks to the marking on her rank badge. But he still wasn’t the best with names. After all, things like names weren’t exactly a necessity where he came from.

“Connix,” said Kaydel Ko Connix, curt but not unkind.

“Connix, thank you.” The gratitude in Finn’s voice was palpable. “I need to find Poe. Have you seen him?” Lieutenant Connix pursed her lips.

“He should still be on the bridge.” She glanced briefly over her shoulder, inclining her head lightly in the direction from which she had come. “If you want, I can take you there."

Finn hastily nodded, muttering his thanks, and followed the young lieutenant back towards the bridge.

It wasn’t far. As they drew closer and closer, the halls were flooded with an influx of worried faces and moss-green cloth. Stragglers, Finn suspected, from the meeting he had been invited to but failed to attend.

The door to the bridge slid open, and there stood a woman Finn had never seen before. She was statuesque and regal, her thin frame enveloped by a violet dress only slightly less colorful than her vibrantly dyed hair. She moved more like a phantom than any human, gliding through the door to her next task. Hot on her heels was none other than Poe Dameron himself.

“Wait a second,” Poe was saying, “Vice-Admiral, just – just listen for a moment.”

Finn would have moved around the corner to join him, but the young lieutenant threw out a hand in front of the trooper. He glanced at the offending hand, then shared a look with Connix. With an indicative nod towards the pair ahead, her message was crystal-clear: _Don’t interrupt_.

The woman in purple – the Vice-Admiral – paused, but did not bother to look back at her subordinate.

“I’m listening,” she said quietly. Poe took a breath to compose himself, then looped around his superior to meet her face-to-face. If he was at all intimidated by this woman, Poe didn’t look like he was about to show it.

“Look, I get it. All right? I get that you’re not happy with what I did. Believe me, if things could have gone differently – "

“And yet, they didn’t,” the Vice-Admiral coolly interrupted. She crossed her arms over her chest, fixing Poe with a durasteel glare that did not falter in the slightest. “What’s your point, flyboy?”

“My point,” Poe continued, “is that you don’t have to like me. But if you would at least show me some respect – “

Finn could practically feel the sharp breath of air Connix took through her nostrils before the Vice-Admiral cut in.

“ _Respect_?!” A short jolt of incredulous laughter left the Vice-Admiral as she shook her head in disbelief. “Do you intend to lecture me about _respect_ , Captain?”

“Well, no,” Poe backpedaled, realizing too late that he’d overstepped his bounds, “I just – “

“Respect,” the Vice-Admiral continued, “is not something I hand out to just anyone. And it’s certainly not something you are entitled to _,_ Poe Dameron.” She paused for a moment, letting his name roll slowly off her tongue. “Even if you are a capable pilot. I’ve heard a lot about you, you know. All your daring, _heroic_ exploits _…_ ”

Watching this argument unfold around the corner, Finn’s stomach turned in a way he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. He’d dealt with his fair share of messes in sanitation, but this was one that he was in no rush to attend to.

“Vice-Admiral Holdo…” Poe tried once again, but Holdo carried on as though she hadn’t heard him.

“Your men certainly respect you. General Organa respects you. But when Leia gave you a direct order, you refused to obey. It leads me to wonder…”

Holdo spoke her next words with the faintest hint of a sneer.

“…how much respect you actually have for her.”

Indignation sparked through Poe Dameron’s eyes as he took a step closer to her, words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop to think about them.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, lady.”

“Why?” she asked, in her placid, unaffected tone. “Is it because I’m not Leia Organa? Because I’m not a man like you?”

“Being a man’s got nothing to do with it, and you _know_ that,” Poe snarled.

“I think it does,” countered Holdo with a meaningful nod. “Actually, I think it would explain quite a bit. Is _that_ why you didn’t follow her orders? Why you’re so reluctant to accept mine? Why you don’t seem capable of listening to anyone but _yourself_? Perhaps…”

Vice-Admiral Holdo mused for a moment before leaning in closer, placing a hand on Poe’s forearm. She lowered her voice, but not enough that Finn and Connix could not hear her.  


“Perhaps those rumors carry some weight to them after all. I know why you don’t care to hear a woman’s opinion. You _do_ prefer the company of men. Don’t you?”

All the color drained from Poe’s face. His arm hung at his side under Holdo’s touch, but his fingers curled tightly into a white-knuckled fist.

Finn didn’t really get what was happening. Why Connix was clutching her datapad to her chest, shock in her eyes. Why Poe himself looked so horrified. But from the Vice-Admiral’s tone alone, Finn was taken aback. No one ever talked to Poe like that.

Holdo kept her hand on his arm for a moment longer before quirking her head slightly, the overhead light catching against her ornate golden hairband.

“Was there anything else you wanted to say to me, Captain?”

“ _No, ma’am_ ,” Poe forced the words out through gritted teeth, his jaw set in a contorted grimace. He pulled his arm away, tucking his fist against the small of his back.

“Well,” sighed Holdo, “if that will be all, then.”

She patted Poe once more on the arm for good measure, flashing the pilot a saccharine smile before striding off down the hallway to reconvene with one of her attendants. Poe waited until she was well out of earshot to utter a violent curse under his breath.

“Poe?"  


Finn’s voice rattled Poe, and the hotshot snapped to attention.

“F-Finn. Buddy…” he stammered as the trooper rounded the corner, Connix close behind him. “You – You heard all that…?”

Poe looked uncharacteristically shaken at the thought. Finn could relate. It’s not easy, having a superior talk down to you like that. Granted, this lady might have been wearing a halo as opposed to chromium armor, but those cold blue eyes of hers alone could’ve burnt a hole through Phasma’s plating that no blaster could. Finn was sure of it.

“He was looking for you,” Connix piped up, gesturing to Finn. She glanced from him to Poe, a pained, sympathetic look in her eyes, and after a beat, she continued. “Poe, I… What she said was way out of – “

“Forget it,” Poe cut her off with a wave of his hand, letting it come to rest against his temple. He looked furious now, but at least he knew better than to take it out on her. “Just forget it. We’ll catch up later, Kaydel. Okay?”

Connix nodded sharply, returning her attention to the datapad in her hands as she made a swift retreat.

“Poe, who was that?” Finn asked when it was only the two of them. Poe pulled his hand away, wiping his wrist against his brow, and glared off down the hall where the Vice-Admiral had disappeared.

“That,” he replied, “was Vice-Admiral Holdo.” Finn was silent for a moment, then his eyes went wide. How had he not made the connection before?

“Waitwaitwait. _Holdo_?! As in _Battle of Chyron Belt_ Holdo? That’s her?!”

“Yeah,” Poe chuckled to himself, “that’s her all right. She’s assuming command while the General’s – “ The pilot winced. “ – in recovery.”

“She’s…” A few less-than-flattering thoughts came to Finn’s mind before he finally settled on one that sounded a bit more diplomatic. “She’s not exactly what I would’ve expected.”

Poe’s lip curled darkly.

“I dunno _what_ I expected.”

A heavy silence hung in the pressurized air, broken by the occasional rumble of the ship as the shields outside flickered in and out. Poe finally elected to talk first.

“Look, pal, I… I’m sorry you had to see me get chewed out like that. Probably not my finest moment, but I’ve had worse,” said the hotshot, trying to inject some of that familiar charisma back into his voice.

Obviously trying to play this off as nothing.

“It’s fine,” Finn replied. “To be honest, she kinda reminds me of my old boss.”

“Yeah?” Poe snorted wryly. “Don’t let her hear you say that.” 

Finn smiled back at Poe. It felt good, not having to hide behind a mask, staring out at the same blank expression endlessly. He still had a long way to go, but after leaving the First Order, it was starting to get a lot easier for Finn to express himself around others.

“Plus, if it’s any consolation,” he offered plaintively, “before I wound up here, I’d kept company with plenty of men, too.”

_Or maybe not_ , Finn thought to himself as Poe’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

“Wh-What…?”

“Stormtrooper.” Finn furrowed his brow in confusion, pointing at his chest. “Remember? I mean, there were a decent amount of women in my batch, too, but – ”

“Hey, Finn, that’s not – “ Poe cleared his throat, moving to stop Finn from saying any more. “That’s not what she was…”

He trailed off abruptly for reasons unknown, deliberately avoiding eye contact as a tinge of red crept up his cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it. Okay? It’s not important.”

Finn was skeptical – obviously, it was, if it was still bothering Poe - but he decided not to push it, reluctantly agreeing.

“All right. If you say so.”

“Thanks.” A sheepish look washed over Poe’s face as he pulled away in realization. “What am I doing? I’m sorry, you – Kaydel said you were looking for me. Talk to me. Is everything okay?”

Finn studied his friend for a moment, his heart sinking into his stomach. The words were there, on the tip of his tongue, but at the last possible moment…

“Fine,” he lied. “Everything’s fine. Fine as it can be, all things considered. I just… wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

Poe chanced eye contact with Finn, nodding appreciatively.

“Yeah. I’ll be okay.” He clapped a hand on Finn’s shoulder – more specifically, on the shoulder of the leather jacket that Poe had mended personally. Admiration shone in his eyes.

“Thanks for thinking of me, Finn.” He wasn’t. “You’re a good friend.” He _definitely_ wasn’t.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Finn shakily agreed, forcing a grin. “Me too.”

Right now, he wished more than ever he were anywhere else.


End file.
